Article by Alex Lauricio

From childbirth to adulthood, our fathers have been by our side through thick and thin, and just as they are filled with pride as they walk us down the graduation or recognition aisle, we too are proud of our dads and father figures for being the gentle giants that tread softly in our lives, all while commanding so much care and respect for their children. 

Father’s Day is an international day alloted for the celebration of paternity and fatherhood, observed every third Sunday of June in the Philippines. Today we honor the chivalrous father figures that have stood beside us — our fathers, step-dads, would-be-fathers, and for those that filled that role by being a father figure for others, regardless if they were biologically a father or not. 

While many people can father children, being a dad to a loving family is an entirely different world. There are so many things that set apart a dad from a father, and the idea of the contemporary dad has evolved from being solely a breadwinner; nowadays, they are incredibly involved in the lives of their children, and have more roles to play in their families.

They do not settle with sitting by the sidelines, and want to leave their mark on us as we grow up. They are as gentle as the hand that cooks pancakes in our mornings, and can be as firm and rigid as the voice of someone who teaches you lessons of life and discipline. How they manage to balance the two extremes of being a good cop and a bad cop is a trade secret of their own; a superpower brought by the transformative process of fatherhood.

Fatherhood

The shoes of fathers are pairs of boots that have walked all sorts of different paths in life — furnished with rusted iron that are ready to walk through the long journey that fatherhood has to offer. It has torn edges and busted soles, yet despite how ruptured it is, it commands love and care, and demands its wearer to tread softly, much like the gentle giants that our fathers become.

The footsteps they leave behind are large, much like the impact that they leave on their children: the mark of the life lessons they’ve taught, the values that the child imitates from their father, and the idea of what the child strives to be.

In the grand journey of fatherhood, our dads are not static figures, but are instead ones that develop and change in response to the commitments of being a father. This journey is one that sparks adventure, but urges great dedication and attention from those that take it. 

It does not have a single road, but rather takes them many different beaten paths; as a result, the dad takes on multiple roles which change depending on the state of the child and the family. Though the shoes they fill are many, including being a guardian, a teacher, a house aide, and a coach, the core of their character remains the same — a figure that protects and guides us as we tread along the uncharted territory of life, offering us a shoulder to cry on and being our cheerleader when times get rough.

As the Baby Grows, So Does the Father

Fatherhood is less of a fixed state, and more of a journey. They experience the many ups and downs of being a parent as they explore the secrets of parenting. With these experiences come many adjustments, adaptations, and changes that transform a father into a dad. 

The calling of fatherhood starts before we are born — from the routine visits and check-ups with doctors, accompanying mom-in-waiting with clinic appointments, to the anxiety, woes, and suspense of waiting for us to come out. One can easily feel so lost and overwhelmed, especially if it’s their first time, but it equally makes the first few moments so rewarding:

“The feeling is indescribable. It’s so hard to describe that feeling — everything shuts down, and you’re just so concentrated on the child,” said Mr. Jason Pantoja, an Atenean dad to two children.

It feels as if time itself has stopped, and gifted the father this solemn moment of seeing your child for the first time. The image of the child’s face, followed by crying and celebratory remarks from the clinic staff marks the first major milestone of fatherhood: a liberating, overwhelming, yet comforting feeling that makes the dad focus everything on the child.

“[From] being a father who takes care of a child, to a father who guides his children to being adults. So how does it feel? It depends on what stage of fatherhood!”

After the long hours and sleepless nights of diaper-changing, hushing, lullabying, and sharing the burden with the mother, time can feel like years passed by in an instant. One moment they’re crawling toddlers, and then next you see them starting their own families, filled with their own stories of parenthood.

“At whatever stage of being a father is, the one thing that’s always there is being proud. You are proud of your children. You feel proud of them. The rewarding part is when your children become successful in the things that they do. When you know that they are growing — that’s the most rewarding part.”

As a father, the best feeling in the world is seeing your children grow and learn from life’s lessons. When they overcome the trials and tribulations of life, it feels as if you’ve done a successful job as a parent. They wear the dad badge with pride, seeing their children come so far in life.

“At first you are a yaya, so you watch them so that they don’t do anything mischievous… and then your role becomes a general. So you can discipline your children. Then you become a coach, and then further on, you’ll be a consultant. And then lastly, a friend.”

Fathers fill in multiple roles in the lives of their children, and they grow from these experiences to become a better person. From being a house aide to help with the mother in managing the child, to becoming a person of discipline, and then turning into people who they’ll get advice from — there is nothing short of what dads can offer us.

At the end of the day, they will be our friends — being a confidant in our world of secrets, and being a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough.

The State of Fatherhood

The interview with Mr. Jason Pantoja revealed the many different and attractive traits that sets apart a dad from a father; in his journey, he realized that he needed to be more present in the life of his child; he set time for his children to enjoy his presence. He is not merely a traditional breadwinner, but one that works together with the mother to handle finances in order to achieve his goal of parenting: the success of their children.

Another trait he has shown is his gentle approach to parenting: he does not rely on archaic methods to discipline his children, but has adapted to adopt better methods, such as setting time to talk to their children one-on-one. While he says that “technology” is currently rocking the parenting world in different directions, he eagerly accepts this challenge knowing that at the end of the day, it’s all for his children.

In the long road of fatherhood, he still has much to trek, but he sees this as more than just a duty, and feels fulfillment through seeing his children grow. After all, he grew alongside them! Much like how fathers grow, the concept of fatherhood has also evolved throughout time; the preconceptions of being the emotionless, robotic breadwinner of the family that played bad cop to their children is an outdated look of what fathers should look like. 

There is a subtle but powerful realization that strikes fathers to lead lives where they are close to their children. The image of a modern father then takes on a more caring image — one intimately connected to their family. The modern father is one that takes their share of household responsibilities and takes care of their young.

We look up to our fathers and see their tired faces bearing smiles when they see us, and in the backbone of those smiles are the sweat, tears, and energy that they have sacrificed just to see their favorite thing in the world — you. Their brows may be sweaty, and their bodies may be battered, but they themselves say with enthusiasm that our hug magically melts their worries and weariness away. 

The transformative journey of fatherhood turns our dads to be coaches, guardians, chefs, and a plethora of other roles that they fill in our lives. While fatherhood has much to figure out in its role in an evolving family dynamic in contemporary society, fathers still hold an incredibly pivotal role in the family and in shaping the growth of their children, putting in tremendous amounts of effort and work in their pursuit of their children’s happiness.

To all the fathers out there, we offer our humble salute, our heartfelt appreciation, and a lasting hug to remind you that your efforts are deeply felt — thank you all so much.