by Janina Calma

It was as if his fingers melted into the controller, worn out by exhaustion and shaking with frustration. The dim light of the monitor casts a shadow on his already downcast face — darkened with dissatisfaction and tediosity brought about a series of losses. His thumb hovers above the button, eyes hooked unblinking on the prompt on the screen that says “Play again?”

In Gabrielle Zevin’s novel entitled “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow,” the uncharted waters of being a gamer is explored with a question lingering throughout the chapters: what is a game? As Zevin writes, “it is tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. It’s the possibility of infinite rebirth, infinite redemption. The idea that if you keep playing, you could win. No loss is permanent, because nothing is permanent, ever.”

The field of games and tracks is one that Nathan Ebio of 12-Evans knows well. Having raced through realms of different kinds, his momentum is one that is admired with unblinking fascination. His triumphs are etched and admired with awe, as he claimed the coveted trophy at the E-Sportsfest held at Ateneo de Manila Senior High School, dominating the Mario Kart circuit with unrivaled speed and strategy. 

Level 1: Prologue

The light on the screen flickers to life as the starting point of the game loads in front of him, marking the beginning of Ebio’s journey into and throughout gaming. 

Growing up, the passion for gaming sparked when he started getting access to gadgets — acquitting himself with the different video games available on the market. With his wide-eyed curiosity and childlike wonder, he delved into the world of gaming with a role model: his uncle who was also a gamer, portraying how you can live a thousand lives, drive thousands of miles, and be thousands of characters in this universe. Beyond that, he recalled being “a nerd that was fascinated by games,” influencing how he perceived competitive gaming: something that is hard to pursue but can be ultimately rewarding. 

Eventually, a particular game series captured his attention and acquired most of his best efforts. As a seasoned veteran, Ebio holds over 27 world records for Mario Kart 7 and 8 Deluxe. Since joining the community in 2020, he has garnered several recognitions for the hours and efforts he has spent racing through all the tracks the game has to offer. You could say he spent his life on the road, speeding with adrenaline and a heart pumping with dopamine. 

However, the high does not last a lifetime. Ebio described his experience of being a world-record holder as something that makes you float, before grounding you back down with reality and the sacrifices you made or have to make. “The first time is the best. I remember the first time I won a world record. Of course it was nice because I’ve been working towards it as a kid, [however] it isn’t the same afterwards. After a while, when you continue, you start to notice more of what you had to sacrifice in order to make time for the game.” He reflected on his losses — not in the game but beyond so, when his character goes away from the keyboard (AFK), and he reverts back as Nathan Ebio and not as Mario. 

Level Up: Welcome to the Arena!

The art of gaming often lies in the shadows — overlooked and reduced to the idea of simply being a pastime, resulting in the lack of recognition for those who are able to maneuver its web of complexity. Some dismiss it as merely pressing buttons, leveling up, and childsplay; oblivious of the razor-thin margin a millisecond offers to a gamer, the precision of every angle and launch, the tricks that lie between and within every movement, and the high-stakes dance of skill and strategy. “People don’t understand the tricks, the perfect input needed. How you have to press this button in 1/60th second, or else, everything you’ve mastered so far is gone,” said Ebio as he reflected on his own struggles in leveling up.  

Though the tracks of Mario Kart seem endless with infinite tomorrows, and while the levels may look like steps in a ladder, it is inevitable to find yourself scrambling as you climb, and dragging as you race. As Ebio speeds through tracks, adrenaline surging as he accelerates through realms with momentum — it’s also the same rush that tightens his chest, making each breath a struggle. He reflected on how despite years of gaming, despite many redemptions and chances, he has never truly overcome the challenge of managing his nerves and calming his heart rate as he played — especially as he approaches the harder levels requiring more intricate strategies in less amounts of time. 

Ebio observed that while most gamers experience gaming as a nerve-wracking experience, especially in the higher levels, there is not much talk about how difficult it is to overcome or at the very least, manage those nerves. “There’s a feeling when I’m about a moment before beating my world record, my hands shake and my heart rate shoots up to at least 130 [beats per minute],” said Ebio, contemplative on the one thing slowing his pace as he races.

Above all, many think that these struggles and difficulties could be combated with training. Yet, Ebio emphasized how gaming is not training, but more of practicing. It’s about patience and drive — the strength and courage it takes to  face the arena over and over again. 

Despite having much passion and dedication to gaming, he realized — as he stood at the edge of the same tracks he raced as a kid, looking strangely different now, mirroring a quiet understanding for reality. The passion was still fueling, it’s still a craft he admires and loves; but he understood that this was not what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Gaming pushed him to be better, raced him towards growth, and for that he would always be grateful for every match, every race, every game. 

The world of video games introduced him to the diverse community of gamers from all over the world who turned a world of competition into a place that fosters collaboration, always offering a hand to help you out. Ebio remarked that this community, ever dynamic and fast-growing, is what keeps him going. Yes, it may be fulfilling to hold trophies and medals, to have your name plastered next to the words “world record holder,” —  but nothing compares to the camaraderie that was brought about by the simple dream of wanting to play. Gaming may not be what he wants to do for a living, but he will not deny that it was very much life-giving.

Mission Accomplished, Game Over

Ebio professed that in his years of gaming, the concept of time stood out to him the most. The possibility of infinity in the virtual world drew him in; how you could try again and again until you get it right, until you move to the next level. He mentioned that he found himself reliving every mistake he made on a level until he mastered it as there were no limitations in a game. 

For Ebio, gaming is indeed tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow — how a game is designed to keep on going with more levels to finish, more missions to accomplish, and more games to win. A game is a boundless realm free of finality and filled with redemption. “In my 3000 hours of playing, [especially] in Mario Kart, you can just press restart because video games are the possibility of going and going again,” said Ebio as he reflected on the many attempts he had until he reached victory. 

Besides the concept of time in the virtual world, he also mentioned how victory means relief to him, stating that “Victory is not having to worry. Not worrying about what you need to do or what you’ve left behind.” For him, to win is to find bliss in the now, to achieve gratification in the fleeting moment of hard-earned success before you look ahead to see what more is in store for you. In a way, he felt the same way in reality: learning to bask in the lingering occasions of ease after submitting an exhausting requirement, opting to celebrate rather than seek shortcomings or agonize about impending assignments. 

They say that a reader lives a thousand different lives.  Yet, for a gamer like Nathan Ebio, it’s more like living a thousand times. Game over doesn’t mean finished in Ebio’s game: it means again, it means infinite, it means a new tomorrow and a new victory for every level he’ll play in this game called life. 

The prompt on the screen revealed itself once more: “Play again?” And so he did, and so he always will.