By Khalil Rahmad and Jelena Villorente

Imagine a delicious cake. Everyone sees the beautiful frosting, the perfect layers, and the enticing aroma. People crave it, wanting to taste the sweetness and delight. However, people often forget that the cake is built on a foundation of flour, eggs, and sugar, which can be messy, difficult to work with, and sometimes even bitter. 

The very same picture of deceptive delight is painted by the young populace of today in search of a life’s thrill and frivolity in the hands of a significant other — and unbeknownst to them, the wild chase of a love so greatly over-romanticized is only the top view of a cake.

Over-romanticizing love is only focusing on the cake’s frosting, ignoring the essential, sometimes messy, parts that make up the whole. Love, like cake, is a complex experience with both sweet and challenging elements. It is time we stop fixating on the idealized “frosting,” of romance and start acknowledging the crucial ingredients that make a relationship truly nourishing. We must stop fixating on the idealized “frosting,” of romance and start acknowledging the crucial ingredients that make a relationship truly nourishing.

The Illusion of “Perfect” Love

The allure of the “fairy tale,” is powerful. Media and popular culture constantly bombard us with images of effortless and blissful love. From social media trends celebrating “couple goals,” to the countless rom-coms that dominate our screens, we are conditioned to believe that love is a magical force that sweeps us off our feet and guarantees a “happily ever after.”  How often do we see portrayals of the hard work, communication, and compromise that are essential for maintaining a strong and healthy relationship?  Rarely.  This skewed representation can create unrealistic expectations, particularly for young people longing to experience the thrill of romance.

Moreover, this pressure to couple up is amplified by societal expectations. As one student, Marga Arquillano, shared, “I used to feel pressured from peers and social media, but not anymore… there [will] always be the right person at the right time. And it’s good to give yourself the opportunity to focus on what you can [do to improve] yourself… so [in] that way, when you do find the one, you’re whole and completely capable [of holding] the responsibility of a committed relationship.” This sentiment reflects a growing awareness among some young people that self-worth and personal growth should not be contingent on being in a relationship.  However, the pressure to conform remains a significant factor for many.

A 2006 study entitled “Biological, Familial, and Peer Influences on Dating in Early Adolescence,” also supports this posit, as its findings suggest the influence of peer behavior on early adolescent dating. It reinforces the idea that adolescents tend to mimic the behavior of their peers out of the desire to “fit in,” or out of the general desire to act the way their peers normally do. In this light, the concept of dating becomes more of a social mandate and less of a patient opportunity — contributing to the often-tainted desire many may possess to find love that is truly authentic. 

Albert Maluping, another student, shared his personal perspective on the pressure to be in a relationship, narrating that while he does not feel any significant influence from his friends or family, social media did end up making a dent in his mindset at a certain point. There were times when he would be pressured due to content he would end up seeing on social media, especially noting the “depiction of perfect relationships,” and that “na pressure ako ng social media na I should be in a relationship because you’re so ganito ganiyan, then showing ‘top 10 reasons why you should be in a relationship,’ and ‘signs you need [a relationship],’ ganito ganiyan,” — generally referring to social media content perpetuated in his feed. Following this, he also claims that he has to remind himself “na hindi ko pa talaga season,” insinuating that he insists on remaining patient until the right time arrives. 

At this juncture, it becomes evident that happiness is a common ground association made in pertinence to a “perfect” love, while the euphoric bliss radiating from relationships here and there contributes to the pressure and ultimate desire planted in many to chase their own lives’ perfect loves. It is here that love’s alluring beauty begins to be misconstrued by many, leaving them to unveil its truths the hard way as time passes until love’s spark is eventually realized to be merely ephemeral.

In essence, the ubiquitous association of flawless love with teenage dating stems from pressure among peers to engage in relationships — often proving to be decisions made out of rash impulses for some people. With this pressure further intensified by heavy influence from social media, as well as subtle travesties of content it perpetuates about “blissful” romance, adolescents are led to don rose-tinted glasses when it comes to the topic of love — when it truly requires a spectral perspective.

The Internal Impact 

As already established, social media plays a particularly insidious role in perpetuating these unrealistic ideals. It amplifies the fear of missing out or FOMO, as individuals constantly compare their own lives and relationships to the carefully curated and often fabricated versions presented online. This constant comparison can fuel a relentless and often unhealthy pursuit of validation through relationships. 

“I think social media influences the way people perceive relationships either negatively or positively,” Arquillano observed, further explaining, “They provide at least ‘ideas’ on how it can look like, but it is up to the viewers’ discretion if this is really what they want.” The danger, of course, is that many viewers, especially the younger ones, may lack the critical thinking skills to distinguish between reality and carefully constructed online personas.

Maluping also added on to this notion, saying that social media “manipulates the real situation [of] a romantic relationship because it often portrays it as perfect, like the reels that show the good side of relationships. It only focuses on the good side, and from what I can see, social media is more focused on the good side of a relationship.” 

Another aspect of social media’s looming influence is its portrayal of the “standards” when it comes to “good relationships,” leading people to believe that their individual relationships, especially romantic ones, must flow in perfect parallel with the unspoken standards being perpetuated online. While these expectations may admittedly accentuate the morality that must be upheld in intimate relationships, especially in the face of potential abuse and neglect, some content may be pushing the line too far, eventually leading many to extrapolate all these expectations into the contexts of their own relationships when it is not at all applicable.

How critical must one be to automatically be lured into believing “signs you’re being ignored,” “signs your partner is cheating on you,” “if they can answer these questions, they’re the one for you,” and a plethora of other posts pointing out every nook and cranny of a relationship? Nothing is erroneous about the freedom one possesses to share their personal takes on their standards — but it is the instant gullibility of many tending to nitpick their partners, ignite unnecessary arguments, and constantly doubt their relationship, often for no reason at all, all because they subconsciously choose to be validated by the expectations of others in tailoring the perfect relationship, subsequently impacting the authenticity of love and affection being nurtured.

In addition, what also becomes of the media’s heavy centralization on relationships is the pressure on others who are not on par with the majority — almost as if being in a relationship is now perceived as trendy propaganda. Content on relationships and happy love here and there putting the internet in a chokehold is bound to be harrowing for the single population once in a while, perpetuating the notion that being in a relationship would make them feel validated in society, finally fitting in with the trend of having found “real love” in spite of not knowing what it truly entails — patience and time.

In essence, this pursuit of validation in relationships can lead to dangerous territory, fostering co-dependent relationships where individuals rely on their partners for their sense of self-worth. As Arquillano noted, “You don’t need a relationship to find validation and self-worth…it’s [a] real living and breathing kinda thing so don’t treat it like you can use the other person for yourself… you are worth it!”

On the other hand, guidance counselor Whelamae Rodriguez has seen these trends firsthand. “I don’t usually get sessions about love,” she explained. “From this aspect, what I get is issues about boundaries and communication.” This suggests that the real struggles young people face are not about finding “the one,” but about navigating the complexities of human connection, setting healthy boundaries, and communicating effectively — the often-messy “ingredients” of a real relationship.

For Rodriguez, developing a healthy sense of self-worth and self-love can be done through empowering self-love. “…ang analogy ko dyan is: Imagine you have an inner garden and you are the gardener. Imagine what kind of garden you have right now. Colorful ba, nabubuhay ba ‘yung mga flower, may mga pest ba? Since you are the gardener, you have the power to turn your garden into what you envisioned it to be. Baka right now yung garden mo has [a] pest. It can be a form of a not-so-good habit like, not validating your emotions, not being kind to yourself. Or baka kulang sa water. It could be a habit like neglecting what your body needs, not eating right, or vices, etc. You provide love, care, and support to yourself. Remember that.”

This significant notion as expounded on by Rodriguez implies that love’s over-romanticization must not only be addressed by exercising caution on social media and its contents but also by acknowledging our feelings. Emotions and their whirlwinds are at their pinnacle in adolescence, and these may often be the cause of impulsive choices being made in the midst of all the pressure. Not being in the right emotional and mental state of mind would eventually derail our so-called “garden” from growing as intended.

As per Rodriguez’s words, recognizing how we feel is the primary step to the self-development needed before we can love another. Looking for validation from others must not undermine our own duty to seek validation from ourselves — especially when it comes to love.

In truth, amidst the whirlwind of external pressure and expectation, the struggle to seek validation is real. It becomes a sad reality, as the ever-omniscient concept of a perfect love and a perfect relationship plague the minds of those in the grueling search of self-fulfillment and acceptance, believing they could grasp a hold of these once they have found their significant other while those in blossoming relationships shadowed by doubt in the aftermath of stagnant, pained periods. This hunt for validation from society is real not only for the taken but those single as well.

Subsequently, this reality prods the question that if the search for “love” is truly just a search for validation, is true love really being sought after in the end? With the pressure to fit in and the societal standards whirling about, the hunt for authentic love is no longer motivated by the desire to find connection and intimacy but by the opportunity to prove a certain something fuelled by our peer’s expectations. This actuality paints the search and eventual finding of a significant other itself not as a great opportunity but as a performative act to show people we can relate to society’s trends — in short, FOMO.

They say love works in mysterious ways, and in the way we are perceiving it now, it must truly do. What becomes of this scrutiny, however, must not be a misconstrued attack on this elusive feeling — but a full-on submerge of the raw actuality fully embraced by love itself.

The Reality of Love

Beyond the euphoric aura possessed by love, a proper definition continues to elude our understanding — and yet, striving to be cognizant of what exactly this four-letter word entails is our best bet in acknowledging its authentic essence.

It is undeniable that each and every one of us carries our own individual interpretations of love, given that we all are shaped by personal experiences tailoring our own perceptions of it, good or bad. Also intertwined in this web is the external influence of peers and social media when it comes to our perceptions of love and how we choose to approach it — especially in the context of romantic relationships being subtly underscored as a societal pressure, as per the expectations being proliferated here and there.

In the end, however, the significance of acknowledging love as yin-and-yang makes all the difference in our mingling with love. 

The picturesque views of perfection and daydreams of bokeh sights and saturated filters, no matter how enthralling, contribute little to the reality of love as we know it, eclipsing the dark moments that often plague the affection love begets — because doesn’t every married couple stay despite every argument? Doesn’t every parent endure the never-ending sacrifice for their children’s well-being? Doesn’t a breakup feel painfully insurmountable because of a love that was lost? Doesn’t loving yourself mean accepting your every flaw and shortcoming? Doesn’t love often engender hurt… because of its very being? 

In short, love is not as beautiful as it seems. The lustrous gleam drawing us to it only enables us to see love for what it truly is, and in this light, appreciate the multifaceted nature of this enigma and the connections we have sustained upon this very feeling. It is unequivocally more than the bliss it may seem to emanate and entails the toughest of battles in pursuit of its unparalleled opportunity. To love, whether it be yourself or another, takes struggle and pain — but what comes out of this profoundly perilous love is growth unlike any other, especially when it comes to the authentic acceptance of true selves.

It is time we moved beyond the superficial allure of “perfect” love and embraced the reality that relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, shared values, and, yes, even conflict. Love is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant work, communication, and a willingness to navigate the inevitable challenges that arise. By focusing on these essential elements rather than chasing an illusion, we can build stronger, more meaningful relationships that truly nourish our lives. We are to leave the frosting for the cake and focus on what truly matters: the ingredients that make love real.